Building a Strong Relationship: ADHD and Couples Therapy

ADHD, or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects both children and adults. The frontal lobes in people with ADHD look different. This difference can create challenges with keeping focus/completing tasks, hyperactivity, and emotional regulation. Navigating different neurotypes can cause complications in relationships. Couples may have a harder time understanding each other's differences, which impacts communication and intimacy in relationships. Studies have shown that couples in which one partner has ADHD report higher levels of relationship distress compared to couples without ADHD.

A significant number of partners (up to 50%) of individuals with ADHD report feelings of frustration, resentment, and emotional exhaustion. 

Since some studies indicate that the divorce rate among couples with ADHD can be as high as 25-30%, (compared to approximately 10-15% in couples without ADHD) professional support when tensions rise is recommended. This blog will cover how ADHD can negatively impact couples and the benefits of couples therapy. 

Here are 3 ways ADHD can impact couples:

1. Increased Resentment: When one couple struggles with executive functioning skills like time management, organizational skills, tracking duties, and memory, household tasks and duties can become unbalanced. In many couples resentment eventually grows.

2. Misaligned Sexual Needs: Some individuals with ADHD have sensory integration problems that impact their enjoyment with foreplay and sex. Other individuals have a high need for instant gratification, which can leave them in a position of feeling needy for sex and asking for sex during inopportune times. 

3. Increased Reactivity: Emotions can run high and be difficult to control for some people with ADHD. And while over time this in itself can take a toll on relationships, reactivity is also caused by an increased need in patience and communication needed to navigate the differences in feelings, perceptions, and thinking resulting from different neurotypes. The demands in an ADHD relationship are higher and stress can be higher. Higher stress means more challenges with conflict resolution. 

So can couples therapy help? In many couples, yes, as long as couples don't wait too long to start couples therapy. Many times couples wait too long and the road to healing is too long. But for those who start couples therapy here are a few ways it helps.

1. Couples therapy for ADHD can foster understanding and empathy. 

2. When empathy and understanding is restored, a lost connection can be renewed. 

3. Couples can learn to accept each other's strengths and weaknesses, and form a more balanced approach to tasks and household duties. 

4. Behavioral interventions around routine building and symptoms management helps reestablish balance.

5. Increase communication by decreasing reactivity and restructuring conflict resolution so that its more effective.

6. A safe place to discuss sexual needs so that couples can understand each other better and find more physical satisfaction and increased alignment with their sexual desires. 

I've been in my Silver Lake practice for 14 years. I’d be happy to meet and discuss the ways I can help you and your relationship.